Saturday, May 26, 2007

a few thing i've learned

  1. I had 3 bottles of nail polish remover, all in the kitchen
  2. I also had no less than 200 cupcake papers, but every time I make cupcakes, I can't find them and buy more
  3. you can actually pack up six years of living in a little over a week
  4. i can live without tv, but not without internet
  5. a lot of things expired before i had a chance to use them
  6. the end of something-even something you wished would end-is always a little sad in its own way
  7. if you feed kids enough junk food, they will get really excited about grapes and apples
  8. it's possible to lose weight while eating crap if you don't sit down for 3 days straight
  9. I also had 3 stovetop espresso makers
  10. 5 people have a lot of stuff!!!

on moving

This is it. the big move. the one we've been waiting, wishing, hoping, praying for. I've stayed away from the new house the last couple of days, almost as if it's not real, but more so because doing anything there is preferable to doing what's left to do here. And, I have got to finish here. Tomorrow night, we will spend our first night at the house and monday morning we will wake up in our own home.

tonight, as I pulled the last few things out of the kitchen cabinets, I thought of all the moves I've made in my life. As a kid, I can only remember 2. Then, there was moving back and forth to college. Into my first place and relationship and shortly after, out of both of those. Into my first real independent place, with a friend. It was dumpy and old, but I loved it. Then Sandro moved back from Lewisburg and into that place, where we lived when we got married.

When I was almost 8 months pregnant with Cecilia (on another memorial day weekend) we moved to another apartment-it seemed so big, but with a tiny kitchen. It had its bright spots and we had so much joy there-bringing our first child home, welcoming Sandro's parents (meeting them for the first time), living close to family.

Our next home came only a year later, and bringing us a little independence-off to Delaware on a little adventure just the 3 of us. We grew so much that year, our young family, our young marriage. We dreamed and planned for the future there, in our "most luxurious apartment home in New Castle." Or so the sign said at the entrance. We made a decision there that put us on a course to this very move.

Our next home was less than luxurious, but it was affordable (barely) I went to work and Sandro went to school and work. We spent a year in color-coded scheduling, with me counting down the days till I could be home with cecilia. Sandro finished school and we went to Italy for an amazing month. Later that year, we grieved with Sandro's brother and wife as she lost her sister and we all felt the helplessness of life ending too soon. As is the way with life, sorrow was quickly followed by joy (and a little worry) as we discovered that we would soon be a family of 4.

that year dragged on in the tiny basement apartment. With the two giant rottweilers and the stripper/prostitute upstairs and the domestic violence couple across the hall, there was rarely a dull moment. But soon, Julianna was born and we squeezed her crib into a corner of our bedroom and started looking for a new place to live.

Six years ago today, we saw this place where I am sitting typing for the last time. We have had so much joy here. We've hosted friends and family for holidays, the annual cookie day, birthday parties, movie nights, even the home parties have been fun. We welcomed our son to this home, this boy who completes our family and brings so much light into our lives. Our girls have shared a room since he was born, and this last night neither of them can sleep-both have been down here twice. I wonder if they are uneasy with the idea of their separate spaces.

We've had sadness, too. I remember sitting on the steps and watching as Sandro took the call telling him his father had died. I remember sitting in the same spot, sobbing while talking to him long distance on the day of the funeral, feeling in every fiber of my existence that my husband should not have buried his father without me at his side.

As of tomorrow, I will live somewhere else. I think taking the last 2 weeks to move was good for me, allowing me to ease into the idea of our new home. I wrote our last rent check a month ago, but it didn't sink in; my belongings are slowly disappearing-arriving either at our new house, or finding new owners. Still, it's been slow sinking in. This morning we had coffee and bagels at the new house, but the coffee was in disposable cups and the table was a card table. still, not sinking in.

By Wednesday, I will not be back to this place, maybe then it will sink in...

Thursday, May 17, 2007

day 2

It was a surreal experience to say the least. Yesterday morning, I pulled my car into MY off street spot and walked through MY backyard. I said good morning to my neighbor's cute bulldogs and took my table and set it on MY patio. I then opened the door to MY home!! I barely held the tears back as I stepped into the kitchen.

It's so overhwhelming. I am trying so hard to just accept this blessing, and not worry and not fear. every good and perfect gift is from above

We spent the day scrubbing, wiping down cabinets, taking down curtains. Gabe and I scrubbed the front porch and it was heavenly. I got him his own bucket and we washed the porch. The old owner left a carpet sweeper in the basement so we used that to clean the green indoor-outdoor rug that provides the no-slip area on the porch. Surprisingly, it worked really well-it looks like it's about 30 years old. The kids were great, but getting a little bored just when it was time to go to a friend's house.

While the kids were away, Sandro and I decided to start pulling up the carpeting, which was so much fun I can't even explain it. We are going to pull the tack strips up a little at a time and then lay the carpet back down until we get the furniture dragged through there and the walls painted. So far the floor looks good.

It is truly amazing that this is our home-doesn't feel real just yet. Maybe when we make the first mortgage payment.