Thursday, November 13, 2008

apparently, I suck at being grateful

Well, my best intentions to keep up with my blog have as usual, gone by the wayside. I don't know why I neglect this little spot; sometimes I don't know why I write it either. But, for what it's worth, I do.

So, let's see, it's almost mid month and am I still living in gratitude? I am not sure. I am finding it hard to concentrate lately and getting caught up in and rattled by the minutia. Small, but time consuming writing projects that make me feel less like a writer and more like an outsourced drone, tedious household tasks that need to be done again even before they seem finished the first time (laundry for example), not enough time with the people I love, not enough creativity, not enough warm socks and hot coffee, too many phone calls, but not enough conversation, abrupt emails that should have said more, wondering if I am on the right path these days.

All that sounds like ingratitude, huh? Well, this morning knocked me off my feet. My middle child, who is always full of either vinegar or sugar, came into the kitchen dressed for school and nearly took my breath away. Where did my little one go? Not the baby, not even the toddler, but the little girl, with the rounded cheeks and soft features, the one that always had trouble waking up and would want at least 20 extra hugs every morning? Thankfully, she is still snuggly, but she is looking so grown up.

I dropped everything and sat down with her to tell her all my favorite things about her from when she was little and from now. How when she was little, she used to sneak in her sister's room and lay on her bed and play with her stuff while she was at school. I also confessed how I did the same to my sister when I was little. I told her how much I love it that she is reading my books from when I was a kid (Charlotte's Web this week). Also, how Charlotte's Web was the book she carried around and "read" when she was 2.

So, I am grateful, so very humbled and grateful. Grateful perhaps beyond mere words for this answer to prayer. See, things with this girl have been tough lately. She's been having a tough time and so have we. We have all needed patience that only God could give us and I have been praying and praying for help. And, today, here it was. I saw her through new eyes. My most fervent prayer is always to see people as God sees them, not as I see them, and I think today, for a moment, that prayer was wholly answered with my daughter and, I am grateful.

When God sees her, I think he must see her like this:

No comments: